Wednesday
Why me? Why do I get
to experience all of this? Why am I the
one to see His blessings firsthand? Why
am I the one He chooses? With all the
messed up stuff in my life, somehow He still wants to use me. He can do it all on His own, but He still
chooses to use a wretched sinner like me.
Why? Because He loves me. I’m His child. And because of this, He chooses to involve me
in His awesome plan in the world. He
calls us and asks us to join in. He
called the disciples and said that if they would follow Him, He would make them
fishers of men. He has such a greater
purpose for our lives than just living the American dream. Than being fake when everything inside is
screaming. Than being ignorant of what’s
going on around us and around the world.
All of this is complete and utter rubbish to Him. Being normal is so messed up. He desires so much more than living a “normal
life.” The only thing He desires is a
radical life. But here’s the thing. The word “radical” doesn’t mean crazy. It means sticking strictly to a set of ideals
and following them whatever it means. So
to live a radical life, I follow what my Bible says. And what is that that it says? To make disciples of all nations, whether
that’s in Jackson, Mississippi, Memphis, Tennessee, or Kitale, Kenya. THAT is a radical life. THAT is following
Christ. I’m still in awe that He wants
to use me. I’m just an average kid. Without Him, I’m nothing. But with Him, I’m everything. I am His and He is mine. Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
“As I lay down my life and pick up my cross
What a joy it is to give my life away to you
All that I need, all that I seek, is you here with me
Holy Spirit have your way in me.” -Leeland
Thursday
I sit here writing as the smell of burning trash fills my
nostrils. Not the greatest smell in the
world. But it’s a constant reminder of
where I am. In my electricity and use of
the internet, I can forget that I’m still in Africa. Where stuff like this is for the really
well-off. And last night, I found it
hard to sleep. See, I was lying in a bed
with a blanket and pillow, surrounded by a mosquito net. But as I pulled the blanket over me, I could
do nothing but think of those going to sleep without anything, not even a
mattress. And all last night, it was
rainy and chilly. And chilly for me is
really cold for Kenyans. I could do
nothing but picture the rain running through the mud huts. And that’s all I could think about. That all around me, people did not have the
luxury of the blanket and pillow I was on.
And it’s a sobering thought. I
don’t think I’ll ever really get used to this.
Seeing people hungry and suffering everyday can in no way become normal. But this is good, because it keeps things
real. I’ve been here 31 days now, and
you can bet I’m tired. But by leaning on
Him more and more and seeing all of this encourages me to give my all in my
ministry, leaving nothing left. I want
to finish empty. I want to give all and
more. I want to give much because I’ve
been given much. And when I’m gone, I
don’t want people to talk about me. I
want them to talk about the Christ in me.
Friday
So right now, 10,000 miles away, MC orientation is
happening. Two years ago, I embarked on
the greatest journey of my life. Through
the past two years, I have experienced so much.
Incredible lifelong friends. So
many lessons. So much growing and
learning. From the awesome times, like
formals and informals, pinning my little brother, and endless late nights, to
the hard times, like suffering through Cell Biology and Organic Chemistry, I
would not trade a moment. Mississippi
College is my home. I would not be the
person I am today were it not for this college experience shaping and molding
me. And through it all, Christ has been
right by my side. I look back on the
last two years of my life and smile because they have been the best yet. So many lasting memories. But God has so much further to take me. I have so much more to learn and
experience. Things aren’t always going
to be easy-let’s be real, I’m about to start Medical Physiology. But I am so ready and excited for the next
two years at MC to see where God leads me.
I miss it so much and am ready to be back. But I don’t want to leave here. There is so much awesomeness here. Like the fact that I rode the bus to the
orphanage today and literally had a Kenyan hoedown to some Gospel songs. Normal life for Sam.
Saturday
“Samuel, I love you.”
Four words spoken today that made this whole experience worth it. My whole body shivered as these words entered
my ears. I didn’t know how to
reply. I walked with him silently, but
my head was going in a million different directions. This kid who has experienced only abuse and
lies his entire life TRUSTS me. He wraps
his hand around mine and knows everything is ok. How do I deserve this? All I’ve done is just be there. And he knows that he is safe with his hand in
mine. I am in awe of how far I have come
since I arrived here a month ago. I’m
not just a mzungu they see from afar.
The trust me. They LOVE me. I look at my friends and am amazed at what
God has done. This morning while singing
next to Delmas, I looked at this kid so full of energy and thought, “he should
not even be alive right now.” See, Delmas
was left in the bush to die because his aunt couldn’t take care of him. Let that sink in. LEFT TO DIE. Hellen found him 5 days later and brought him
to a doctor who pronounced Delmas dead.
But she didn’t believe him. She
took Delmas home and prayed long and hard.
Then Delmas coughed. HE WAS
ALIVE!! The doctor didn’t believe it was
true, and consequently believed in the only One who could do this. Delmas was left to die. And today I was chasing him around the
orphanage, all the while laughing as hard as we could. These kids with these pasts trust me and know
they are safe. To even say I am humbled
by this fact is an understatement. I in
no way deserve this. My God is so good
that I can’t even come close to comprehending His goodness. He encompasses all and works all together for
good. There is no condemnation for us in
Christ. He is way too good for me to
handle. He requires my worship.
“For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither
angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us
from the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –Romans 8:38
Sunday
All I need is His presence. Nothing else.
I don’t need money. I don’t need
teaching. I don’t NEED friends. All of these pale in comparison to Him. Yet He still chooses to bless us with all of
that extra, and I’m so thankful. Why did
I have to go halfway around the world to realize this, though? Because here, everything is stripped
away. No distractions. And I see myself for who I really am. A wretched sinner. I see my anger. I see my pride. I see my selfishness. I’ve been here 5 weeks now, and the “high” of
a mission trip is gone. It’s day to day
real life now. And that comes with all
emotions. I can’t put on a façade. I can’t
act fake. And so the emotions
flood. Tears at what my eyes see
everyday. Today I watched a child
collapse to the ground because he had sniffed too much glue. Glue is their “drug.” It curbs hunger. I see things like this Every. Single. Day. I’m upset.
My heart screams inside of me as I drive through the dump and as I pass
people suffering everyday. We have to do
something people! We can’t keep living
how we’re living! Because if we keep
living like we’re living, they’ll keep living how they’re living. Children should not have to resort to glue
because they couldn’t find any food even in the dump. This is not ok! And if we live in ignorance of this, that is
not ok either! I speak like this because
they can’t speak for themselves. This is
real. All these stories I’ve told the
past 5 weeks I have seen with my own eyes. Don’t just read this. Do SOMETHING!
All we do is tell God yes. You
don’t HAVE to go halfway around the world. Last night I was talking to one of my best
friends. God has been teaching us some
of the same stuff while she serves in Clinton and I in Africa! The world begins where YOUR feet end. He wants all of us. We are overcome by all of His presence. And in His presence there is fullness of joy. With Him nothing is every the same. His glory is all we need.
“Holy Spirit you are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by your presence Lord” –Jesus Culture
God is sovereign over all. He is so good. Mom and Dad get to Kitale on Saturday with a team. I can't wait to hug both of them. I still have two weeks in this amazing country. My heart is full, but I can't wait for the next thing He has in store for me. Keep praying for these buddies of mine. And pray for my strength. I want to finish empty. Love and miss all of you!
-Sam
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