Wednesday (Kenyan Funeral)
One of the speeches that I will forever remember was from
Ann, Christine’s daughter, a 10/11ish year old girl. She literally almost brought me to tears as
she talked about a loving mother, a caring mother, but not just for her, but
for so many at the orphanage. As she
struggled to make it through the paper she had written on, and the tears
started flowing, I saw a picture of Christ. We are called sons of God. How cool is that?! That we, in our sin and
filth, are called His! It’s hard to even fathom. The maturity that Ann composed in her letter
about her late mom was awesome. It was
quick, but it carried so much emotional impact.
Ann is already so mature for her age.
So many of the kids are. Most of
them have to be after all they’ve experienced. But the joy in Christ they possess is
astounding. God is changing lives. It is evident in many of these kids. They came from things unimaginable, but they
have become SAFE, and that is awesome. One
more thing. When Ann found out about her
mom a few days ago, the first thing she asked Hellen was if they were going to
send her away. She was so afraid of
going to live with her dad. I don’t know
the extent, but the ex-husband is not a good man. Obviously Hellen told her no, but what she
said next is stuck in my head. “I am
your Mom and Richard is your dad.” Simple, yet profound. What an awesome few words. We are adopted. We are His.
So tonight as I quickly fall asleep (exhausted, remember), I am resting
(ha get it) in that promise. Amen.
Friday (Feeding Station/School)
Well, I’ve finished my first full school week (I still go
tomorrow, but it’s to do Bible study, not school). It’s weird to think that I’ve been in country
10 days now. I’ve finally started to
really settle in my new home, but I still miss my friends a lot. I’m facing a good bit of emotional opposition
from Satan. I’m here by myself, and that
is hard. I get lonely a lot. I miss my MC peeps like crazy. I miss my mom.
I’m human, and I have emotions. And
there’s nothing wrong with that. Let’s
be real, I even miss Chick-fil-A. But no
matter what Satan tries to do to me, I know that I am here for a reason. God is changing me slowly but surely. He is breaking me of every part of myself. Especially my selfishness. There’s nothing like being around tons of selfless
people all the time to show you how selfish you really are. But in order for God to break me of myself, I
must experience these things. Just like
building muscle, it must be stretched and torn for it to grow. Longing.
Loneliness. Selfishness. Humbling.
But along with these are little gifts from Him. Smiles.
Laughter. Dirty hands interwoven into
and wrapped around mine. Kids screaming
my name. People calling me brother and
meaning it. So no matter how hard this
process may be, He is there to walk me through it. And I love that. This truly is “GOD WITH US.” As the kids say, God is good all the time,
and that is His nature. I am slowly
learning to further satisfy myself in Him so He can truly direct my paths. I really love it here. I love these people. I always will. I would not trade this
experience for anything. It truly is the
adventure of a lifetime.
Saturday (Orphanage)
So while this was happening, I walked with Richard all over
the land. We walked through the
unfinished building that is to house 100 girls (it’s huge), and then walked
through fields that are going to be buildings in the future. Richard would just point to a piece of ground
and say what was going to be there one day. He is believing in God for BIG things. His prayers are not small, but BIG prayers. His faith is unwavering. It gave me a lot of confidence in my
endeavors. I have a huge, long, hard
road ahead of me – to finish college, med school, residency, etc. But I can believe BIG things and know God will
do it. Why? Because He is always faithful. As I walked with Richard, we talked about how
it is a lot, but God is the one who can complete it in His own time. So I’m believing big things. Because if there’s anyone who’s trustworthy
and never failing, it’s Him.
Sunday (Tent Church)
The past few days have been filled with all different
emotions. Happiness. Longing.
Contentedness. Selfishness. All the emotions of a little kid living in an
African world. In my low times and in my
high times, a feeling of Emmanuel being my only refuge. I’m in Africa.
Not drive-by Africa. Not short
term mission trip Africa. I am an
African. My entire lifestyle has been
altered. Not in a “few days of
difference” like a “mission trip” (not that those aren't awesome experiences). This
is my life. This is my home. Dirt, trash, sickness, disease, and bad
smells are part of my everyday life. I
eat ugali and all sorts of Kenyan food all the time and hardly delve into my
American stash of Goldfish. I wake up
early and go to bed early. This is the
beauty of Africa. Africa is not the
romanticized experience shown in youth groups. It is dangerous. It is dirty.
It is HARD. I live in a world
around people searching through dumps for food. I watch people suffer every day, and feel
absolutely helpless about it. My
ministry is difficult. I struggle a
lot. And I never realized all of this
until I actually lived here. But with
all of this comes so much blessing. So
much joy. So much laughter. Lasting memories. Love.
The fullness of Christ and the realization of His character. His heart is for these people. These are the ones He spent His time with. The broken. The hurting.
The sick. The dying. The lonely.
The hopeless sinner.
Hopeless. What a word. This is His heart. And if my heart is to look like His, this is
to be my heart as well. My heart is for
Africa after these past few days as never before. These are my friends. My brothers.
My sisters. And I have found in
all these experiences, freedom. Freedom
comes with surrender. In whatever I
face, whatever emotion or experience, I enter with surrender, and with that
comes inexpressible joy. A simple yes to
His will, and my life is transformed. And
I am no longer a hopeless kid in Africa.
I am His. And He is mine. I am bought with a price and sent to bring
His kingdom on earth. With freedom and
surrender, I am utterly motivated to continue.
As this African world is now my world, I live in it with His mission. The many times I feel helpless in a world of
pain, full of things and sights I find hard to process even to this waking
moment, He is there to say, “Rest in me. Rest in your daddy’s arms. I just want to hold you close and speak my
love to you.” This is my daddy’s
heart. This is Africa. Not though a glass window or photo away from
the dirt and pain. But real Africa. His mission will not be finished until the
day He comes to take His kids home. So I
am here. A little kid living in a huge
African world. And I continue after my
daddy’s heart. And I am surrounded by
people doing the same. And with this
comes rejoicing inexpressible. Praise be
to God for His indescribable gift. Praise Him because He is completely and
utterly WORTH IT. He deserves it all.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Seriously, it means a ton. Please continue to keep me in your prayers. I'm having an incredible time. I miss and love all of you. Seriously.
-Sam
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